http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-868000,00.html
UNPRECEDENTED numbers of married women are sneaking off for extramarital
sex, according to a panel of top divorce lawyers. While occasional cheating
has long been regarded as the province of husbands, bored wives are now
catching up.
Grant Thornton Forensic and Investigation Services, which advises on the
financial side of divorce, asked 50 divorce lawyers to name the most common
causes of the cases they had handled in the past year.
Of those who cited extramarital affairs, 45% said that it was usually the
wives who cheated, while 55% said it was the husbands.
Experts blame greater social freedom for women including better
contraceptives, greater equality in the workplace and easier divorce.
Britainıs long working hours culture, which particularly affects
middle-class male managers, may also be a cause.
Susan Quilliam, a psychologist and relationship counsellor, says the
contraceptive pill may make it easier for women to have an affair but their
greater financial independence is also a factor. "Decades ago, if you had an
affair and your man threw you out, you would be in financial hardship," she
said.
"There is more freedom now for women to move outside of the family home.
Even if they are not working there are other opportunities to go out
lunching or on a girls' night. The social climate of today has made an
affair acceptable, so women see it, read about it and think it is okay."
Sarah Smith, 38, a marketing consultant in London, divorced her husband
three years ago after she had two affairs. She said: "My ex-husband worked
in the City and was out entertaining clients most nights of the week. I just
got bored waiting for him to come home all the time."
Smith embarked on a full-blown affair with a colleague. "We worked together,
so it was easy to sneak around, but in the end we fell in love. We would
travel together on business so there was a lot of opportunity to be
together," she said.
"I left my husband, but my new relationship only lasted a year. Looking
back, I think it was just the excuse I needed finally to get out of my
unhappy marriage."
Tracey Cox, a psychologist and expert on relationships, says that many
womenıs attitudes towards relationships are increasingly similar to menıs.
"Our predecessors used to go to the make-up counter and buy themselves a
lipstick to cheer themselves up, but now women will go out and flirt with a
colleague, have an extra drink and suddenly they are having an affair," she
said.
"Women are very good at lying, so they get away with it and their
girlfriends will cover for them."
The survey found that extramarital affairs are the most common reason for
starting divorce proceedings - they are a factor in 30% of cases, followed
by couples 'gradually growing apart over time' (26%) and strains caused by
family life (11%). Emotional and physical abuse is a factor in 10% of cases,
the study suggests.
Counsellors say an affair is often the last of a string of factors leading
to the divorce lawyer's office. Gillian Walton, of London Marriage Guidance,
said: "Sometimes the affair is a cry for help, or an acting out of something
that isnıt present in the marriage, like the fun, excitement or the sex. But
an affair is by no means the end of a marriage these days."
Adultery often features in the ending of celebrity marriages. Les Dennis,
the game show host, and Amanda Holden, the actress, are divorcing. Holdenıs
affair with the actor Neil Morrissey had been a big factor.
Affairs do not always end in divorce. Zoë Ball and Norman Cook split up
after she started a relationship with Dan Peppe, a fellow DJ, but they are
now back together.
When a marriage does end, there is often acrimony and deceit. The study
found that in most divorces one partner - in 90% of cases the man - sought
to conceal assets from the other. This is usually done by using an off-shore
bank account or by passing assets to a new companion.
According to the panel of lawyers, women tend to keep the main house, its
contents and any pets, while men tend to retain savings, investments, cars
and second homes.
With two out of five of marriages now ending in divorce - a four-fold rise
since the 1960s - couples are hedging their bets by drawing up pre-nuptial
agreements. The study reported that 57% of the lawyers say they are helping
to prepare more of these arrangements.
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