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Dads On The Air
Monday 8 September 2003 2GLF FM 89.3 10.00-11.00am and ONLINE
Shattering the Myths
With Special Guest Dr Sanford Braver
Dr. Sanford L. Braver is the author of the landmark book, Divorced Dads: Shattering the Myths (Tarcher/Penguin-Putnam, 1998), co-authored by award-winning journalist Dianne O¡¦Connell.
Later in the show, with Geoffrey Greene from the Shared Parenting Council of Australia, we'll be bringing listeners up to date with the progress of the House of Representatives committee hearings into child custody and other matters, with hearings now having been held in Tasmania, Victoria, NSW and Queensland. We'll also bring you a round up of Fathers Day events, and hope everyone had a great day, no matter now difficult or delightful circumstances were.
Dr Braver has been a Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University for more than 30 years. He is a trained researcher who has received 14 competitively awarded U.S. Federal research grants totaling over $10 million, primarily from the U.S. National Institute of Child Health and Human Development and from the National Institute of Mental Health. He has published 80 peer reviewed professional articles and chapters. In his investigations, he has interviewed almost 2,000 divorced families.
He says:
"Biggest Deadbeat Dad RoundUp Ever." "Judge Sentences Most Wanted Deadbeat Dad to Prison Term." "Where Are Their Fathers?" "A Generation Without Fathers!" Anyone reading the newspapers or magazines is familiar with headlines like these. The divorce rate has soared through the roof. All the most disturbing social problems of the last decade -- gangs, teenage pregnancy, suicides, drive-by shootings, drug abuse, school dropouts, illiteracy, etc. -- are ultimately traceable to the fact that in the family in the last two decades, in astonishing distinction to our less troubled past, too many fathers have almost no presence whatever in children's lives. An entire generation of youth is being raised without fathers. If you read the stories that follow the headlines, you would read that:
ƒ¬ Most divorced fathers selfishly refuse to pay their child support and become Deadbeat Dads.
ƒ¬ Too many fathers also become Runaway Dads, voluntarily disappearing from their children's lives, and depriving them of a male role model.
ƒ¬ Divorced mothers and children commonly end up in poverty as a result of this appalling irresponsibility.
ƒ¬ Men "make out like bandits" in their divorce settlements, because domestic relations laws are written and administered "by men for men," creating an economic incentive for men to divorce.
ƒ¬ The vast majority of divorces are the result of men deserting their families.
But there is a big problem with the previous picture. It is grossly distorted, and parts of it are the complete opposite of the truth.
What he has found has been startling to policy-makers:
ƒ¬ The large majority of divorced fathers are not deadbeat dads.
ƒ¬ Relatively few divorced men are runaway dads either. Rather, most divorced fathers strive mightily to maintain a strong attachment to their children.
ƒ¬ The well-known statistic that divorced women suffer a 73% decline in their standard of living while men actually benefit is a simple arithmetic mistake based on sloppy past research that the researcher/author herself has retracted under pressure. And after they both remarry, women are actually better off than men.
ƒ¬ Divorced fathers are not far better satisfied or advantaged in the negotiations leading to their divorce settlements. In fact, fathers are significantly disadvantaged and dissatisfied compared to mothers, who feel more in control of the settlement process than fathers.
ƒ¬ Overwhelming evidence suggests that fathers are far more emotionally devastated by divorce than mothers. Only with respect to more quickly assuaging their anger at their ex spouse do fathers have an emotional advantage over mothers.
ƒ¬ Divorced fathers do not generally trigger the marriage¡¦s demise by abandoning their ex wives and families. Consistent evidence suggests that more than twice as many mothers initiate the termination of the marriage than fathers, largely for reasons such as feeling ¡§emotionally unfulfilled¡¨, rather than because of their husband¡¦s philandering or abuse. Further, this is a quite recent trend precipitated by the cultural changes brought about primarily by the women¡¦s movement; this cultural trend best accounts for the unprecedented rise in the divorce rate
ƒ¬ For those divorced fathers who do end up withdrawing from their children, their experience is one in which their own wishes -- or irresponsibility -- play little role. Instead they feel expelled, kicked out, thrust away from their children's lives. "Driven Away" Dads appears the far more accurate metaphor.
ƒ¬ Policy changes, such as joint legal custody, greatly expanded parenting time for fathers, and restricting moveaways, are in the best interests of fathers, mothers and children.
The belief that divorced fathers are mostly irresponsible deadbeats seems brought about both by outdated stereotype, media hyperbole and by flawed past research. The "blunders" of past research in turn appear due largely to the ideological "blinders" of the research establishment, based on gender stereotypes in which males are viewed as irresponsible and domineering, and females as helpless victims.
Not only is the conventional wisdom seriously inaccurate, it has led to social policies that are dangerous and harmful. The victims are not only the fathers themselves, whose suffering, anger and frustration is immense, and increasingly registered, but also the over 1 million mothers per year who become divorced in the US. Laboring under inaccurate stereotypes, through their actions many of these mothers unwittingly thwart receiving the help and support that only a cooperative co-parent could provide. And most importantly, our mistaken popular views are dangerous to our children, whom we are inadvertently depriving of the love and the support, both emotional and financial, of involved fathers. All would benefit by a more accurate understanding of the social forces our divorce systems unleash.
We'll closing out the program with a look at the current government inquiry into joint custody. Submissions have been slow to go up on line at:
http://www.aph.gov.au/house/committee/fca/childcustody/index.htm
Hansard transcripts for some of the public hearings can now be found under the child custody button at:
http://www.aph.gov.au/hansard/reps/commttee/r-commaf.htm
Next week: The Role of Fathers in Child Care and Protection, with special guest Damien Hickman
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On The Air can be heard on Monday mornings 10am-11.00 at 2GLF FM 89.3 in Sydney Australia and is usually up online later the same day.
We are a successful community radio show broadcasting from western Sydney. An entertaining mix of music, news, public information and wide ranging interviews aimed at
fathers and those who care about them, we cover the Family Court, the Child
Support Agency, Legal Aid, child welfare, boys education, male suicide,
men's health, gender bias and other father, children and family related issues.
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